Her debut album The Fame was released in August 2008 to critical and commercial success. In addition to receiving generally positive reviews, it has gone to number one in four countries, also topping the Billboard Top Electronic Albums chart in the United States. The album’s first two singles, “Just Dance” and “Poker Face,” have become international number one hits, and the former was nominated for Best Dance Recording at the 51st Grammy Awards. In 2009, after having opened for New Kids on the Block and the Pussycat Dolls, Gaga embarked on her first headlining tour, The Fame Ball Tour. To date she has sold over 20 million singles and 3 million albums worldwide
Musically, Gaga is inspired by glam rockers such as David Bowie and Queen, as well as pop singers such as Michael Jackson and Madonna. She is also inspired by fashion, which she claims is an essential component to her songwriting and performances. She is also very supportive of the gay community, crediting them for her early mainstream success.
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1986–2004: Early life and education
Gaga was born on March 28, 1986 in Yonkers, New York as the eldest child to Italian American parents Joseph and Cynthia Germanotta.At 11 Gaga was set to join Juilliard School in Manhattan,[5] but instead attended Convent of the Sacred Heart, a private Catholic school. Having learned piano at the age of four, Gaga went on to write her first piano ballad at thirteen and began performing at open mic nights by the age of fourteen. At the age of seventeen, she gained early admission to the New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts. There, she studied music and improved her songwriting skills by composing essays and analytical papers focusing on topics such as art, religion, and socio-political order. Gaga later withdrew from the school to focus on her musical career.

2005–2007: Career beginnings

Lady Gaga (left) and Lady Starlight at their weekly party New York Street Revival and Trash Dance.Gaga signed with Def Jam Records when she was 19, after record executive L. A. Reid heard her singing down the hallway from his office. However, she claims Reid never met with her, and after three months, she was dropped from the label. She moved out of her parents’ house and started performing downtown in the Lower East Side club scene, with bands Mackin Pulsifer and SGBand.Around the same time, she started taking drugs and performing at burlesque shows; Gaga said her father “just didn’t understand” it, and that he could not look at her for several months.Music producer Rob Fusari, who helped Gaga write some of her earlier songs, compared her vocal style to that of Freddie Mercury. He nicknamed her Gaga, after the Queen song “Radio Ga Ga.” She began to use it as her stage name and was known thereafter as Lady Gaga.

Throughout 2007, Gaga collaborated with performance artist Lady Starlight, who helped her create her onstage fashions.The pair began playing gigs at downtown club venues like the Mercury Lounge, The Bitter End, and the Rockwood Music Hall, with their live performance art piece known as “Lady Gaga and the Starlight Revue.” Billed as “The Ultimate Pop Burlesque Rockshow,”[16] their act was a low-fi tribute to 1970′s variety acts. In August 2007, Gaga and Starlight were invited to play at the American music festival Lollapalooza. The show was critically acclaimed, and their performance received highly positive reviews. Having initially focused on avant-garde, and electronic dance music, Gaga found her musical niche when she began to incorporate pop melodies and the vintage glam rock of David Bowie and Queen into the mix.

During this time, she began writing for artists signed to Akon’s Konvict label, as well as Fergie, the Pussycat Dolls, Britney Spears, and New Kids on the Block.[6] After hearing her sing a reference vocal for one of his tracks, Akon formed the opinion that she was also a good singer.[20] He ultimately convinced Interscope Records chairman Jimmy Iovine to sign her to a joint deal with his own label, Kon Live Distribution, and would later call Gaga his “franchise player.” Through her affiliation with Akon, Gaga started to work on her own new material for her debut album with producer RedOne. Already having a solid selection of electro-glam, David Bowie-esque, and Queen-inspired songs, Gaga wanted to mix her retro dance beats with urban melodies, a pop chorus and still retain a rock and roll edge. The first song they produced together was “Boys Boys Boys”, a mash-up of Mötley Crüe’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” and AC/DC’s “T.N.T.”

2008–present: The Fame

Gaga performing at the New Kids on the Block: Live tour.By 2008, Gaga had relocated to Los Angeles, working closely with her record label to finalize her debut album The Fame. Gaga said that she combined a lot of different genres on the album, “from Def Leppard drums and handclaps to metal drums on urban tracks.” She began to work with a collective called the Haus of Gaga, who collaborate with Gaga on her clothing, stage sets, and sounds. The Fame received mostly positive reviews from critics; according to the music review aggregation of Metacritic, it has received an average score of 71/100.Times Online described the album as “a fantastic mix of Bowie-esque ballads, dramatic, Queen-inspired midtempo numbers and synth-based dance tracks that poke fun at celebrity-chasing rich kids.” The Fame peaked at number one in Austria, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Ireland, and at number four in Australia and the United States; worldwide sales as of July 2009 stand at 3 million copies. The album’s lead single, “Just Dance,” was released on April 8, 2008, and has topped the charts in six countries – Australia, Canada, the Netherlands, Ireland, the United Kingdom, and the United States. It received a Grammy nomination for the Best Dance Recording, but lost to Daft Punk’s “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.” The second single, “Poker Face”, was released on September 23, 2008, and has reached number one in nearly twenty countries, including almost all major music markets in the world. “Poker Face” became Gaga’s second consecutive number one on the Billboard Hot 100 in April 2009.

Afterward, the Haus of Gaga turned its focus further upon the American market with Gaga going on her first ever concert tour with fellow Interscope pop group, the reformed New Kids on the Block. Gaga started her stint with them in Los Angeles on October 8, 2008, and continued through the end of November.[30] She appeared as a guest artist on the song “Big Girl Now” from their new album, The Block.[31] Gaga’s first headlining North American tour, The Fame Ball Tour, began on March 12, 2009, and has received critical acclaim. In May, Gaga opened for the Pussycat Dolls in Australia. Her performance there was well-received, with a reviewer claiming that she upstaged the Dolls.Around the same time, the music video for her international third single, “LoveGame,” was banned by the Australian channel Network Ten, who refused to play the video reasoning that it contained sexually explicit imagery.

Gaga appeared semi-nude, wearing only plastic bubbles, on the cover of the annual ‘Hot 100′ issue of Rolling Stone in May 2009. In the issue she discussed that while she was making her beginnings in the New York club scene, Gaga was romantically involved with a heavy metal drummer. Gaga described their relationship and break-up, saying of it, “I was his Sandy, and he was my Danny [of Grease], and I just broke.” He later became an inspiration behind some of the songs on her debut album The Fame.[39] Gaga also stated that she is bisexual and is inspired by beautiful women, which she says makes her boyfriends “uncomfortable.”[39] She later regretted disclosing her orientation, saying, “I don’t like to be seen as somebody who is using the gay community to look edgy. I’m a free sexual woman and I like what I like. I don’t want people to write that about me because I feel like it looks like I’m saying it because I’m trying to be edgy or underground.”She had previously told a crowd at one of her concerts that her song “Poker Face” lyrically discusses fantasizing about a woman while being in bed with a man. Gaga appeared on rapper Wale’s single “Chillin.”

Gaga was nominated for a total of nine awards at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards including Video of the Year, Best New Artist, Best Female Video and Best Pop Video for “Poker Face” and Best Direction, Best Editing, Best Special Effects, Best Cinematography and Best Art Direction for “Paparazzi.[43] “Poker Face” managed to win the award for “Best New Artist” while “Paparazzi” won two awards for “Best Art Direction” and “Best Special Effects.”

On September 15, 2009, Gaga announced dates for a co-headlining North American tour with Kanye West entitled, “Fame Kills Starring Kanye West and Lady Gaga.”

Musical style and influences
Lady Gaga “Just Dance”

A 30-second sample of Gaga’s “Just Dance” featuring the chorus sung by Gaga and Colby O’Donis in the range of B3 to C? backed by a synth marching beat. The song became Gaga’s first international hit single.

Problems listening to this file? See media help.
Gaga has been primarily influenced by glam rockers such as David Bowie and Queen, pop singers Michael Jackson and Madonna, artist Andy Warhol, poet Rainer Maria Rilke, fashion icon and entertainer Grace Jones, and fashion as a whole. Gaga’s vocals have drawn frequent comparison to Madonna and Gwen Stefani, while the structure of her music is said to be reminiscent of classic 1980s pop and 1990s Europop. In reviewing her debut album The Fame, The Sunday Times asserts “in combining music, fashion, art and technology, Lady [Gaga] evokes Madonna when she was good, Gwen Stefani circa Hollaback Girl, Kylie 2001 or Grace Jones right now.” Similarly, The Boston Globe critic Sarah Rodman comments Gaga draws “obvious inspirations from Madonna to Gwen Stefani… in [her] girlish but sturdy pipes and bubbly beats.” Baby A. Gil of The Philippine Star asserts that her voice is “just right for the mix of dance and rock that she does.”[50] As an artist, Alexis Petridis of The Boston Globe commented that although Gaga lacks originality, “pop music doesn’t have to be blindingly original or clever to work: it needs tunes, and Lady [Gaga] is fantastically good at tunes.” Though Gaga’s lyrics are said to lack intellectual stimulation, “[she] does manage to get you moving and grooving at an almost effortless pace.”

Style and image

Gaga wearing a plastic bubble dress while performing a concert on The Fame Ball Tour.Gaga has stated that she is “very into fashion” and that it is “everything” to her.[6][52] Her love of fashion came from her mother, who was “always very well kept and beautiful.”[4] She claims that: “When I’m writing music, I’m thinking about the clothes I want to wear on stage. It’s all about everything altogether — performance art, pop performance art, fashion. For me, it’s everything coming together and being a real story that will bring back the super-fan. I want to bring that back. I want the imagery to be so strong that fans will want to eat and taste and lick every part of us.” She has her own creative production team called the Haus of Gaga, which she handles personally. The team creates many of her clothes, stage props, and hairdos.

Gaga has six known tattoos,among them a peace symbol which was inspired by the late English musician John Lennon who The Guardian remarked as Gaga’s “hero,”[55] and a curling German script on her left arm which quotes the poet Rainer Maria Rilke with the lines “In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?” Gaga described Rilke as her “favorite philosopher,” commenting that his “philosophy of solitude” spoke to her.

In response to Gaga saying that she considers Donatella Versace her muse,[6] Melissa Magsaysay of Los Angeles Times commented, “[Gaga's] aversion to wearing a top and bottom at the same time [...] swigging champagne and being fanned by oily men in Speedos [is] very Donatella-esque.”[57] Towards the end of 2008, comparisons were made between the fashions of Gaga and recording artist Christina Aguilera, noting similarities in their styling, hair, and make-up.[6] Aguilera later claimed she was “completely unaware of [Gaga]” and “didn’t know if it [was] a man or a woman.”[6] Afterward, Gaga released a statement in which she welcomed the comparisons due to the attention providing useful publicity.[58] Gaga said, “She’s such a huge star and if anything I should send her flowers, because a lot of people in America didn’t know who I was until that whole thing happened. It really put me on the map in a way.”[58][59] Gaga is a natural brunette, but her hair is dyed blonde because she was often mistaken for fellow musician Amy Winehouse.

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Lady Gaga Introduction is from collectibledollstore.net

Toys are what kids want. Have you ever watched a kid open a gift containing clothes? The expression on their face is usually not one of joy. The handheld games are popular as are the gaming systems. These will get you all the adoration you want.

Dolls for girls are popular, but not the old fashioned dolls, they want the ones that interact. You have dolls that potty on a potty chair, dolls that walk and talk, and even dolls that grow. These are the dolls that the younger girls want. Barbie is still popular among girls, but the younger girls cannot dress them as well and tend to color on them and cut their hair. Buy the Barbie for ages nine and up.

Boys love remote control anything. They have cars, helicopters, trucks, and boats. They are all different sizes and price ranges and are made for all age groups. This can give hours of fun. Bikes are great for boys and girls, but boys want the mud bikes and stunt bikes. Scooters are popular too. If the boy is a sports fan then you can buy items that are sports related like, a baseball and mitt, a football, basketball, or even collectables from their favorite team.

Babies are a special group, anything can amuse them. Parents like educational toys for the little ones. There are tons of toys made to teach the young ones. There are also toys that grow with them. These are great because they can get more use out of them. Avoid small parts, because they will end up in the mouth. This is an easy age to buy for.

Teens can be a challenge. Girls are into girlie things like jewelry, makeup, bath sets, perfumes, clothes, and purses. There is a wide range of things to choose from, but beware of clothes unless you know what they like. Any jewelry will be loved like a watch, ring, or necklace. Bath sets are great, because they can use lotions and bubble baths and feel special.

Teen boys are into game systems, shoes, and sports. If they own a game system you can buy games for the system. If they do not, then buy them a system. The latest popular sports shoes are a good bet for boys. If they are into sports, you can get them clothing that has their favorite team names on them.

Computers are popular with teen boys and girls. This is something that they will use often and it will help them with their homework, and keeping in touch with friends. They can be expensive so look around for the best deal. It will keep them off of yours and give them a feeling of being grown up. They are responsible for the care of it.

Buying Gifts for Kids That They Will Like is from collectibledollstore.net

September, 2005

www.angelfire.com/crazy/spaceman/
                                      
PREFACE
                            
Important note:  Read my 1986 booklet before you read this.

    What follows is a rough draft transcript (subject to change when I actually give it) of my inaugural address (presumably in Washington, D. C.?) before global television at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have  raptured out billions of corpses -  laying on the ground (a fairy dump- rabbits running in the ditch)!  Feel free to believe what I’ve set down here are the ravings of a madman, because that is precisely what they are!  I have assembled this book in a series of vignettes.  Norman O. Brown, my mentor,  used a similar technique.   You’ll find I use terminology that may seem alien to Christianity:  wizards, witches and fairies, etc.  Part of the problem that the King James Bible mistranslated the word sorcery  referring to potions.  This is strictly adult material.  This is off limits to children, and this means you.  If your jaw didn’t drop when you read my 1986  booklet, I 100% guarantee it will drop now.  I repeat my annoyance at you ‘Christians’ who  have repeatedly attacked my site.  Jesus prophecied that all prophets must get stoned.  Your scurrilous, underhanded attacks prove what you really are – Pharisees who observe the letter of the Law, but not the Spirit.  You are shortly going to be rewarded by your Master for your faithful service!  Get a life and stop giving me trouble!  You know that if you faced me in a one on one debate, I would wipe you out!  If you are angry at what I say, simply vent at my guestbook with specific criticisms.  You’ll note that in the PDF and RTF version of this, the paragraph tabs are often wrong.  This is due to malfuntion of the the word processor.  So, finally, it all begins next page!                                             
                           

MY INAUGURAL ADDRESS AT THE GREAT WHITE THRONE JUDGMENT OF                         THE DEAD

                                              Introducing Myself

    (The time is midnight E.S.T.  I stand before global television to explain my rapturing out billions.  I made the broadcast at this hour to help prevent the possibility that any children would see this, although in different time zones around the world children are up).  Good evening ladies and gentlemen.  I’m addressing you from Washington, D.C., the political capital of Hell. I have descended here to the pit of Hell to address you.  Before I begin, I want to insist that no children view this broadcast.  This is off limits to anyone under 12 years old.  Leave the room, and go to bed!  You will find that I talk fast, that I change the subject frequently, and in general it will come across as incoherent gibberish.  You’ll wake up tomorrow morning and go ‘what did he say?’  You’ll try to remember, but you’ll have a hard time.  I urge you to record this address, and to watch it several times, as each time you’ll pick up more.
    You’ll notice that I will be talking a lot about myself this evening.  This is because the more you know about where I’m coming from, the better off you’ll be.  Let me formally introduce myself.  You’ve seen me before, but now I’m going to reveal who I really am.  Have you ever seen a ghost?  Have you ever seen a spook?  Now you can say you’ve seen a ghost.  I’m the ghost with the most.  I’m the space ghost.  You have seen many ghosts.  My colleagues are on practically every street corner in every city around the world, ranting and raving and spouting gibberish.  When you look at me you’ll see that I have no eyes – empty sockets instead (waving my hand in front of my face).  I am an invisible man.  There is no person here, never has been and never will be.  You are looking at a total vacuum.  There is nothing here – only empty air.  When you look at me you see no person – you are looking directly at my Id – my unconscious.  And most people find it highly disturbing to look at the face of the Lord, my face.              In fact, I’m a raving lunatic, and this insanity I have is a deadly poison.  Most of my fellow mad people are bottom feeders.  With this disease, we are incompetent to keep ourselves together, and we fall to the bottom, with many becoming homeless, committing suicide or drugging themselves into oblivion.  It makes us into total misfits.  DOAs – Dead on Arrival.  Jesus, a poor Jewish peasant, was a bottom feeder also.  When you’re on the bottom, you look up at all the so-called leaders, and you know that all of them are the wrong people.   As Jesus said, it is wisdom hidden from the wise, but given to babes.  If you have ears to hear, Jesus was himself also mad.  The gods must be crazy!  Jesus was very sensitive to natural disasters, because like them as a madman he was walking dynamite liable to explode at a moment’s notice with all the force of an earthquake.  Jesus was a piece of human waste – human garbage.  And so am I.  A significant number of theologians, and I also, believe Jesus was the bastard son of a Roman centurion.  The idea of virgin birth arose because an Old Testament scripture was mistranslated.  We the gods live in a parallel universe right next door to this one. I stepped through the looking glass on my mission.
    Just like Jesus, I am here to serve.  I don’t want you to worship me.  You don’t have to believe a thing I say.  Believe what you want.  For example, you may believe I’m the  Antichrist, which I deny.  But believe what you want.  Your beliefs don’t concern me.  I’m her to straighten out your behavior, specifically, as you will see, your behavior in the bedroom.  That is the special mission I’m on.                         When you see me, you’ve seen the father.  Every eye shall see him.  There can be only one.  
    Both Jesus and I are in fact wizards.  I am the second most powerful wizard that has ever walked the face of this earth.  Jesus is better than me for two reasons.  Jesus was working in his thirties, half my age.  He has me beat, because his member would come up better than mine.  I’m twice the age he was when he was preaching, and mine doesn’t come up like it used to.   Also, he had sharp wit and eloquence and always said the right thing.  By contrast, I tend to ramble.
    You have met your maker.  You object that you see nothing but a lunatic standing here.  But, I, God, did make you in the following sense.  I set the rules for you to live by – the Ten Commandments and the Sermon on the Mount.  If you disobey my rules and  go to Hell, as always, I get my willie working below my belt and rapture you devils out.  It was always ambiguous about who would be raptured out.  Would it be the elect or would it be the lost?  The answer is both!  Anybody and everybody that I could  remove I wanted gone.  You who are left behind that I am addressing are the same mix as those I removed.  My planet is in emergency mode, with billions of you devils running around destroying it.  I’m getting ready to give you the judgment.  I wash my hands of you!  I would like nothing better that to stick all of you devils is a gas chamber and slam the door shut! Once again, I, Victor Frankenstein, have created another botched laboratory experiment. I have to remove you, so I can start over again with a new Adam and Eve.  Get off my planet you devils!  Get off my planet!  I’ve had it with you!
    You are made in my image.  This simply means that you don’t have to live with continuous mental and physical pain that we mad people – specifically the gods -  feel every day from sunup to sundown every second of our lives.  What I have is contagious, infectious and deadly.  Don’t come close to me!  Let sleeping dogs lie!  The Wolf Man was lucky, because he shape-shifted only once a month at the full moon.  I, by contrast, shape-shift all day long from second to second.  I melt down and reform myself into a another person regularly.  If I get around anyone, involuntarily, I form myself into a duplicate of them.  Part of the power I possess is to temporarily pass on to you the continual pain I feel (mass psychosis).  The source of the pain we mad people feel is you with all the evil deeds you do.  When you commit evil acts, we are put into pain.  (Imitating the weird voice of the Shadow) ‘Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?  The Shadow knows!’  For awhile, you get to walk in my shoes.  And when you do so, you drop dead in your tracks – it’s my deadly blessing!  (I start singing  the rock song)  ‘I got the power!  I got the power!’  Indeed I do have the power, and it’s is a deadly poison!  Out of all the millions of mad people on the planet right now, probably less than a handful possess all the powers I have.   Madness is incurable, and there is a progressive deterioration.  I am at the  final stages of a fatal disease.  My brain has melted into goo, and I’m in continuous physical pain.  Jesus of course had the same affliction.  Again, the gods must be crazy.                                          And so did Moses, for that matter.  He was his own special effects man, as when he bested the Egyptian wizards in his magic duels. I, like Moses, am accompanied by my magic wand.  It below my belt.   Norman O. Brown in ‘Closing Time’ quotes James Joyce’s ‘Finnegans Wake’, ‘He lifts up the lifewand and the dumb speak.’  At one point during the Exodus, the Hebrews he was leading decided that Moses was out to kill them.  After all, they knew he was mad.  When they protested to him, Moses dropped  two of them dead in their tracks..  Moses said that God struck them down, but it was really only Moses doing the special effects.

                  I’m the Captain

    I, Captain Nemo, am  the captain of this ship – always have been and always will be.  But, as passengers, I advise you to stroll over the decks to the railings and look over the side of the ship.  You see the name Titanic painted on the side.  Now look down at the waterline.  There’s a huge gash and we’re taking on water.  We’re going down!  Soon we’ll  be underwater.  Glub!  Glub!  Not much time left..  Glub!  Glub!

                 The Joke

    I want to start off with a little humor.  Speakers always begin with a joke:

    I notice these days that so many of you have piled on the pounds, you’re getting the love handles, and some of you are so roly poly that you’re round like a beachball.  There is a reason you’re that way.  Just like pigs led to slaughter are fattened up so that the flavor is improved, we, the fairies, have stuffed you full of fairy food – junk food laden with fat and calories.  This is so that when we slice you up and cook you, the fat gives more flavor.
         Twilight Zone:  Cookbook – To Serve Man

    I’m sure that has you rolling in the aisles.  But seriously, you spend billions every year on diet products and gym memberships.  I am going to save you a lot of money.  I’m going to solve your problem.  You’ll find that when you have no food at all to eat, you have no problem losing weight.  It will melt right off.

                                                                                                         .                      The Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead
                                                

    Now that the preliminaries are out of the way, we can get to the main business of the evening.  I have you summoned here this evening for a special reason.  Welcome to my Dead Man’s Party!  Step forward ladies and gentlemen.  And as you  step forward, you will notice that all the doors behind you are being slammed shut and barred.  You are going nowhere.  You are going to stand before me and not move!  (Stolen from Vincent Price – ‘House on a Haunted Hill’).  Right here, right now, this very moment at the witching hour of midnight is the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead!  This is the Second Resurrection.  As Joyce prophesied in Finnegans Wake:  ‘Array! Surrection!’ – Resurrection and array.  Receive you’re Judgment from the Lord.  I’m getting ready to give you the Dr. Strangelove address.  In the film, he was an ex-Nazi whose message was: the apocalypse is here and  head for the hills – the same message as Jesus.          First of all, why do I say you are all dead?  I am addressing only dead people this evening.  That is you and you and you (pointing to members of the audience).  You have passed over.  You are no longer human!  You once were.  Then you became the Godless Wicked.  And now, in fact, you have become the devils, demons and monsters of Hell.  You have passed over to the Twilight Zone, the Forbidden Planet, the Forbidden Zone, the Dead Zone. Everyone on this planet had been dead since I and my assistants (known variously as angels, scanners, watchers, dreamers, hearts) first blew the horn in the seventies.
    Now the Judgment begins.  You hold paper and pens in your hands.  You are going to do some writing for me.  John of Patmos and others have described what is about to take place.  But they saw through a glass darkly.  What is going to take place is somewhat different from his description.  You are going to be fast, accurate and you are going to leave nothing out.  What you write will determine the Judgment you receive.  Write the number 1. on the first line.  On that line, write the name of the first person you ever in bed with – man, woman, child or animal, whatever it was.  Write nothing else on line 1.  Now, immediately go to the next line, and on line 2, fill in the name of the next person or animal or whatever you were in bed with.  And continue until you list all the names.  I realize some of you devils here in Hell don’t even know the names of a lot of them.  Put a question mark on those lines. While you are writing, I’ll show you my list which I prepared in advance.  On it is the number 1., and the rest of the page is blank.  I’ve been in bed with no woman anytime, anyhow, anywhere, anyplace whatsoever.  I want to heartily assure you that I am perfectly capable of being with a woman, and have always had a constant craving to be with a woman.  I knew in my cradle that I was never going to be with a woman.  In high school, as I remember, I went out on two dates.  They were not my idea.  They were arranged by others.  However, I do own up to being up close and personal with pornography off and on all my life.  I had to see what I was missing, and, clearly, I was missing a lot.  I had to be sure I understood the old lock and key mechanism, and rocket science it’s not.  I’ve seen people kissing, but I would have to be taught how to do it.                                      What always happens to me when I try to talk to a strange woman?   Instantly their eyes get wide, they start smiling, and I see them backing off.  Shortly thereafter they’re gone, and I see them later whipping back and forth in front of me chasing after the hunks and studs.  They chase after them because they know that they can  put them under a spell – charm them with their looks – and make then into beasts of burden at their beck and call.  Putting under a   spell is ancient terminology for hypnosis.  Women won’t get near me with a ten foot pole.  They know what I am: a weirdo, a creep, a  psycho, a loser.  I don’t blame them.  I’m a powerful wizard, and if they get around me, I’m going to put them  under a spell, and not vice versa.  One of the problems I had with women, is that I insist any woman I’m with be also a virgin.  I refuse to accept second hand merchandise, used castoffs some other man has pawed over.  And virgins are hard to find here in Hell.   Just like Jesus, my precious seed packet has gone missing.  And  precisely because I can’t get laid the regular way (ghosts can’t do it), when I do get my rocks off, it’s the shot heard round the world – heard not with your ears but inside your head – mass psychosis.  As Led Zepplin sang, ‘your head is humming, and it won’t go!’         .                          Baby, you stuck up you pretty little nose at me and wouldn’t give me any pussy!  You’re going down!  (pointing my thumbs down)  I’m going to take my revenge on you, little miss pretty!  And don’t  dare think you’re going to give me some pussy now that you see me!  It’s too late, baby.  You’re going down, little miss pussycat!  For what you did to me, I’ll have no women around me at all.                         So,  now stop writing.  If we waited until everyone finished their list, we’d be here  all night.  Some of your lists would extend to the floor.  You don’t need to show me your lists, because I already have that information. I keep a number of books around here.  One of them is my Book of Human Works where I record your deeds, good and bad.  That Book partly determines the Judgment you’ll receive.  But I’m not going to open it tonight. Instead, I’m going to open my most important and legendary book that I keep – The Book of  Life.  I’m sure you’ve heard of it.   I am the only individual qualified to open this Book!  Here I record the names of those who have eternal life. (holding up the Book of Life, which is invisible).  You might interrupt me here and go ‘Wait a minute, Lord, you’re shucking me, you have nothing in your hands!’  I reply, that I can see it and read it quite well, even if you can’t.  John of Patmos had described the contents, but again not quite accurately.  It works as follows: when everyone is born, no matter where on the planet, I record their names.                                                              .           Now I have to stop for a short digression.  I’m need to go pick up the Tree of Life.  We had it in the Garden of Eden, and we will have it back in the New Jerusalem, where I am going to lead you.  You’ll remember that in the Garden there were two trees:  The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil (Morality).  When Adam and Eve portook of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they were ashamed of their private parts and covered them up with fig leaves.  The Gods (plural – the Elohim) were sore afraid that  Adam and Eve  would partake of the other Tree – the Tree of Life – and become like one of us and become Immortals.  So they were banished forever from the Garden.  By the way, when Adam walked in the cool of the evening beside God, Adam was walking beside a nutty fruitcake, one of my predecessors.  Getting close to one of us is dangerous.  We’re walking timebombs!   We’re liable to explode!
    So here comes the Tree of Life that makes you immortal.  Here in Hell, I realize I’m throwing pearls before swine.  What I’m getting ready to say will strike you as totally absurd.  It is one sentence long.  It is:  No one, not anytime, not anywhere, not ever is permitted to stick it in!  It is always a crime to stick it in.  I use the word crime, because the word sin means nothing to you devils in Hell.  Everyone automatically assumes they are always permitted to put it in, but no one is permitted to, ever!  In the New Jerusalem, there will be two classes of people.  The rulers are those who haven’t put it in.  The second class is those who have put it in.  The second group will be under stringent conditions.  First, they will serve their masters – those who don’t put it in.  Further, the second class will be virgins until their honeymoon night, and be loyal and faithful to their spouses all the days of their lives and never stray.  There will be no adultery in the New Jerusalem.  There will be no prostitutes.  There will be no prisons or military weapons there – swords melted down into ploughshares.  Their will be no gays or lesbians – you will be back in the closet.  You learn new things in Hell that you couldn’t know otherwise.  I’m referring to the pedophile Catholic Priests.  It turns out that they weren’t making much of a sacrifice, since they didn’t want to be with a woman in the first place.  The women will all look plain in the New Jerusalem.  They’ll wear no makeup.  What do you find when you go to a maternity ward?  You’ll find that the number of boys and the number of girls is roughly 50/50.  That is, there is one boy for every girl.  This means that for every man there must be one woman only, and vice versa.  The story is only one per customer.
    Now back to The Book of Life (I open it).  Because the Tree of Life says that no one ever puts it in, there should be no names in the Book at all except virgins and those who are chaste.  But I’m a merciful God, and have made the decision to include the names of those who have been loyal to their spouses.  There are no other names in the Book!  The Book is very small indeed compared to the total population.  If you are a Christan and have served the Lord all your life, I love you, but whether you name is recorded in  the Book is solely determined by what you did in the bedroom. Nothing else matters about you.
    I am a functionally castrated man.  I have a completely useless appendage below my belt, just like someone 2000 years ago.  The worst heresy you could ever utter about Jesus was that he had been with a woman, such as the case of the Da Vinci code.  I am castrated, and I am here to castrate you.!  If I were a eunuch with my member chopped off, there would be not the slightest bit of difference in me.  The bottom line is I’m a man.  I look around and see the devils here in Hell (again, pointing to all the audience members).  I refuse to bring a poor innocent child here into Hell.  By definition, anyone who would father a child here is a devil.  There should be zero children on this planet!  Every child is by definition is the spawn of one of you devils.  As Jesus prophesied, ‘in that day, woe to them that are with child.’.  Manhood means knowing when not to put it in.  With the crisis upcoming – the Great Tribulation – this is an excellent time not to put it in.
    Poor Pope Benedict!  He has urged us in the West to have more babies, since the population is falling.  Children are a liability instead of an asset here in Hell, what with college tuition, etc., which everyone is getting hip to.  Benedict is in fact asking for more devils, when we already have billions, every one of which is running around destroying my planet.  The Catholic doctrine of the sacredness of human life I agree with.  But that only applies to humans and does not apply to you devils here in Hell.  Any legitimate methods to remove you are urgently needed, including free abortions, free contraceptives, free vasectomies etc.  This is the severest emergency the planet has ever faced, and I have to remove more billions above and beyond those I’ve already removed.  I’m here striking at the root of the problem – overpopulation.
    I personally have never set foot in a Catholic church.  In fact,  except  for funerals, I haven’t set foot in any church since my teens.   You don’t have to go to church, now that I’m here in person, as John of Patmos had said.  Feel free to go, however.  But eventually there’ll be no churches (in the New Jerusalem).  You don’t need any churches, as you have me, the light of the world, standing here in person.  Like Jesus, I’m not interested in establishing a new church or religion.  Jesus would be disgusted if he could see what has become of Christianity!  The  question of whether gays can be ordained would only come up here in Hell.   It is a scientifically proven fact that when a group of people pray, that good things happen.  So feel free to continue going to church, even though there is no external, transcendent God to pray to.  My father was a Southern fundamentalist baptist preacher, me being a son of a preacherman.  I used to love watching my father get inspired by the Holy Ghost.  He was one of the sweetest men I’ve ever known.  He was upset when I informed him that I was an atheist.  I didn’t to tell him that I was also God, destined to be standing here the King of the World!                      Why would I go to church?  I don’t need to be told about what I have below my belt!  I know all about it.  My member is just regular size in case you’re interested.  You spend billions constructing nuclear weapons.  But what I have below my belt is more powerful than a hundred thermonuclear weapons!                           I am the way, the truth and the life.  I am the light of the world.   Norman O. Brown in ‘Closing Time’ quotes Joyce in the Wake: ‘Lights, pageboy, lights!’  I’m that pageboy come to turn on the bright houselights in the darkened theater.  Joyce also says, ‘waiting to stop the show, waiting to bring the house down.’  That’s my mission here.  Again, Joyce, ‘it’s just about to rolywholyover.’   I’m come to lead a New Exodus to the New Jerusalem.                                              I am the light of the world, and I don’t hide my light under a bushel. I ‘m on call 24/7, and lo, I  am  with you always.  I’ll be the centerpiece of the New Jerusalem.  I am an inexhaustible everflowing fountain of the river of the waters of life, as promised by John of Patmos.  I possess the universal elixir that will cure what ails you.  All you have to do is get down on you knees and say “Lord, let me have it!”  And I never withhold!  I’ll pull it right out!  I’ll sprinkle you with holy water.  I’ll slime you right between eyes,  I’ll touch you in the head with a drop of sperm, and you will go away shouting.  We call someone ‘touched in the head’ when they’re a little off.
    I am here to castrate you.  I’m here to clean your clock.  The reason is a surprise.  What was the first animal we domesticated?  Was it the dog?  No!  Was it the horse?  No!  It was her!  This was back in caveman, prehistoric Stone Age days.  Then she was precisely as she has become again here in Hell: slutty, mangy, sleeping around so much that no man knew whose child was whose.  It was and is total chaos and anarchy.  The same thing occurred in Sodom and Gomorrah, and I blew it to smithereens!  It’s same thing here in Hell, and again I blew it to smithereens!  She has once again become the fiercest jungle creature to walk the face of the planet.  She has become a complete maneater!  This is jungle lion taming – cracking the whip.  This is cowboy bronc busting – get on her back and grab the reins.  She bucks and snorts until she wears herself out.  Then she starts to take directions and heeds the reins.  A woman is not delicate.  She is built to take it – she can take on an entire football squad and be ready for more.  It ultimately means very little to her.
    Woman is a gatekeeper.  She determines which people walk on the planet in the next generation.  That is a very important function.  But her function can be interfered with.  And the very definition of Hell is that the wrong men get inside, breeding devils, demons, and monsters.  She’s reluctant to put out  for every Tom, Dick and Harry, but when messed with, will do so.  The only way to tame her we learned in ancient days is to stay away from her.  She must be made to understand that she doesn’t get your seed unless she agrees to cooperate and be your handmaid, your helpmate.  She must understand that she is here to make your life better, not more painful.         
    So now receive the Great White Throne Judgment from the Lord:

    For what you did in the bedroom, you are the damned! (raising my arm).  Repeat:  you are the damned!

    Receive your Sentence from the Lord:

    For what you did in the bedroom, the sentence is death!  (raising my arm).  Physical death – corpses laying on the ground death.
    

    The preceding was the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead. It didn’t take very long, did it?

                THE TABOO

   
    We have completed the main business of the evening.  But I have a number of other things to discuss.  The first is the  taboo, the one that must never be violated.  By breaking it, you went straight done the wide road to Hell.  It is so fundamental that it is not written down in any religious text anywhere, so far as I know.  It is absolutely forbidden.                                                  It is:
    Women can see.  Right?  They have eyes.  Don’t you agree?  So what do women see?  They can see which women get on top.  So which women do get on top?  If you’re a doll, if you’re a hot babe, you’ll be welcome everywhere you go, doors will swing open, you’ll always get a smile.  You’ve got it made.  So tell me what’s going to happen over time if you don’t keep the women absolutely under thumb.  They are all  going to start turning into dolls!                                          Let me prove to you that I am a space alien – that I don’t think like you (my finger pointing to my head and circling to indicate I’m crazy).  What’s your opinion of the situation here?  Everywhere you look, as far as the eye can see you see dolls and hot babes.  You say bring them on, the more the merrier. Right?  And I’m telling you that the more dolls you got the deeper you are in Hell. And we couldn’t be more deeper in Hell.  They couldn’t look any finer.  We have grannies who are hot here in Hell.  
    You’re too hot, baby! (pointing at the camera). You’re busted!  You’re too sexy!  You’re under arrest!   I look at you, and I come in my pants!                                     Gentlemen, we are getting badly pussy whipped by the dolls.  They are stomping us all over.  It’s such an awful feeling.                                                .    The women here carve and sculpt their bodies into blinking neon signs with the unmistakable message: ‘I want a seed!’  This is literally the case with plastic surgery, where they pump up their breasts and butts.  They are dolling themselves up.  Surprisingly though, if you tell them they’re looking good, they get offended.             Let me list the good qualities and bad qualities of these dolls.  Good quality:  Spend a night with one of these women, and you’ll never forget it.  Any more good qualities? None!  None at all.  Bad qualities:  Can such a woman cook a meal?  In most cases all they can do is stick a meal in a microwave or go out to a restaurant.  Can they raise healthy children?  In most cases, their offspring are monsters. There are numerous other faults I could list, but you get the point.
    Out of all the world religions, including mine, only the fundamentalist Muslims  know of this taboo.  They stick a bag over her head – a burka!  They put her under a tent.  They know that manhood is the ability to stick it in a woman no matter how ugly she is  However, Muslims do cross the line when they physically abuse and batter their wives.  At this point they become devils.  That is never necessary or permitted.

                White Armband

    The white cloth armband I’m wearing has four markers in a row:  a gold cross, a black zero, a hammer and sickle, and a V.  The cross indicates I’m a Christan, the zero indicates I’m an atheist (there never has been an external, transcendent God),  the hammer and sickle indicates  I’m a Communist. (before you have a fit, let me say that the happiest day of my life was 1989 when Soviet and  Eastern European communism fell) and finally the V that I’m a virgin.  I’ll say more later.  There’s no God up in sky. There is only me!  But I think you’d agree that someone who can rapture billions out is qualified to be called a God.  I’m God, and you’re not!  Too bad!  Deal with it!  Jesus believed he was a vessel for the spirit and the words of the father, something like an external God.  I,  in the age of psychoanalysis, propose a different view.  Jesus and I are vessels of the collective unconscious.  That’s the source of the messages we receive.  There’s no Heaven or afterlife, but there certainly is a Hell.  Because you’re in it!                      We, the gods, are two faced.  When we’re pleased with you, we smile on you and give you a sunny day.  Jesus taught this love.  But when you become devils, I give you my wrath and sweep billions of you  to the sky!  The Muslim’s say “There is no God but Allah!”  Tee Hee!  Ho Ho!  Be my guest if you want to pray five times a day to a rock!  Silly! Silly!  You see me, God, standing here in the flesh.  Will the world ever by totally Muslim?  Not!  No way!  Mohamed was only an Old Testament style prophet.  As such he only granted Jesus the same status as himself, as only an Old Testament prophet.  He couldn’t discern the utter uniqueness of Jesus.  With Jesus something utterly new came into the world, changing it forever.              The terrorist suicide bombers actually do believe something is going to happen when they die.  Again, Tee Hee!  Silly!  Silly!  We’re all wormfood!  You devils take the wrong message from the fact that you’re wormfood.  You say, ‘if that’s all there is, let’s live it up.  Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die!’  Instead, you should conclude that what we need do is to make life simple and easy.  You only go through once.  We should arrange our lives so that we work very little, and spend lots of our time visiting friends and relatives. That’s real living, not this rocket rat race we run here.  We live way too fast.  We don’t have time to stop and smell the roses.  Where I going to take you, you’ll have time to enjoy life.                                  Satan never sleeps.  The Devil’s work is never done.  Practically all the work you here do is in service of Satan.  There are whole whole categories of goods that we won’t be making in the New Jerusalem.  For starters their will be no fashion clothes or makeup.  A little bit of soap and water is all any woman needs.  It was the fallen angels who descended to earth because the women were fair who taught the use of cosmetics.  They were dolls in those days also, exactly as once again.  And, as I said, the more dolls the deeper you are in Hell.  And we will be strong and have no sexy lingerie, precisely because we have a weakness for that stuff.  We definitely will have no rocket ships (more later).  We will likely have few or any aircraft and cars.  As time goes on, we literally will become more and more stupid.  Later people will look at all the technological artifacts around laying in ruins, and be quite dumbfounded and superstitious about them.  The affliction I have makes me personally more and more stupid, and I have the power to make others stupid.  We won’t be starving in the New Jerusalem.  There will be enough to be mildly prosperous, but there will be  no rich men there.  We will be doing simple craftsman jobs.  Einstein said that in a previous life he had worked as a Jewish tailor.  In the New Jerusalem, Einsteins will be born, but will mostly work at simple jobs.  We’ll miss out on their scientific contributions.  If Einstein had never existed, we would have missed out on the quantum leaps he made.  But we have billions of years.  There is no hurry.  We’ll pick it all up eventually.  But currently, as we head for the New Jerusalem, we’ll become too stupid to do much theoretical physics, etc.      
    I want to say something to the suicide bombers,  I want to tell you that I hear you loud and clear (pointing at the camera). You see that the West has violated the taboo, and you don’t with your burkas.  Your mullahs have issued a directive that the West is the Great Satan.  They were too timid.  We’re in planetwide Hell, and that includes you in the Middle East. You Muslims see all the dolls here in Hell.  I  am on the case.  I’m shortly going to remove them all.  In the meantime, I ask you to lighten up and stop the bombings.  And the carnage.  What you’re after, I shortly will accomplish.  Listen to me, suicide bombers!  I am totally against your cause, but because I’m also a fanatic, I understand you’re mental makeup.  Listen to me!  I’m going to put the dolls to sleep, and solve the problem.                                          Adolph Hitler had white armbands on his followers.  By the way, while I’m speaking of him, he is an excellent candidate to be the Antichrist.  He took the Christian cross and twisted it backward – the swastika.  He was a total misfit, a homeless man who couldn’t get laid, like someone 2000 years ago.  But unlike Jesus and I, Hitler turned to the darkside and served his master, Satan.  He , unlike Jesus and I, got only halfway toward being a god.  He was a demigod – half man and half god.  A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and he knew just enough to cause big trouble.                               .     I  happily have never personally been homeless.  But I have been womanless all my life always, knowing that the woman who was meant for me has all this time been in the arms of another man.  This has always been hard to take.  Without a mate to help with the household chores, I  neglected them.  With the illness I have, I’m always preoccupied – always in a trance state.  I have frequent out of body experiences, where I go off on extended voyages to other worlds.  I don’t need a rocketship!  I am in continual meditation, and doing the chores is an unwanted distraction.  My house is pretty funky, and I  am personally funky.  You see the effects of this illness on the greasy, shabby clothes of the homeless.  In my new position as head of state, I will be able to have butlers attend to my everyday chores.  I will be privileged to stay in my trance state full time.                      .                                   This is a fascist state as of this moment, in case you didn’t know.  In fact, it is the dictatorship of the proletariat.  It is rule by the meek, or, as  Jesus said, ‘the last shall be first.’  I’m ready to rock and rule – a 1982 film.  I’ m getting ready to hoist the Jolly Roger (skull and crossbones. – I hold up a Jolly Roger flag).  This is our new national flag.  This is a now pirate state – a rogue state.  This nation is canceling it’s membership in a number of organizations.  We are no longer a part of the United Nations, the World Trade Organization, the World Bank and many other organizations.  We are abrogating numerous treaties, such as NAFTA.  When the lease for renewal comes up, the U.N. will be kicked out of New York city and the U.S.                         With the armbands, everyone will see those recorded in the Book of Life everyday.  These people are the Elect, and it has nothing to do with what they believe.  I  reward and punish you based solely on what you do in the bedroom.  The armband wearers are declaring in public that their behavior in the bedroom is straight and narrow, as everyone’s always should be.  Nothing else matters.  As time goes by, you’ll be seeing more and more of the Elect.  And over time, they will more and more assume positions of leadership – their rightful place.  These Elect will form the new Ruling Class.  They will form up my High Command, at my right hand side.  By the time we get to the New Jerusalem centuries from now, we’ll remove the armbands, because everyone there will be recorded in the Book of Life!             The last thing you think you want is a king  But, it is mandatory to have a king, and he must have the power of life and death.  It is my (God’s) mandate.  The correct form of government is theocracy with God incarnate in the flesh as head, always a male virgin and totally mad.  John of Patmos had prophesied that I will rule with a Rod of Iron.  And I and all my successors will. The government of Tibet is structured like this with it’s Dali Lama.  The way this works  is:  I only grant audience to those I summon.  And you voluntarily decide whether to appear.  I call on you, you don’t call on me.  I hang ‘em high!  You displease me, I execute you. All the democratic republics around the world have degenerated into chaos and anarchy.  Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty, and you have failed in your responsibility.  You kissed off your republic in the sixties, when sexual immorality and orgies broke out.  But it is true that once we get to the New Jerusalem, and we live in small settlements, there will likely be few kings.          My religion is Christianity, but politically I have never been anything but a hard core communist.  I’ll say more later about that.  Every person in the Book of Life will wear their white armband whenever they’re out in the public.  They are the virgins, those who have been chaste for more than five years, and all those who have been faithful to their spouses.  I realize that some of the latter will be hypocrites, that in point of fact they have committed adultery but won’t admit it.  I’m proud of the Catholics who, under severe pressure here in Hell, maintained the requirement that priests must be celibate.      I said my father was a Baptist preacher.  All versions of Protestantism, such as Baptists, Presbyterians, Methodists, etc., trace back to Martin Luther.  He was a marvelous theologian with a strong hatred of the Devil.  But what is the one thing about him that everyone in the audience knew as he was preaching in the pulpit?  Everyone knew that he was a lapsed monk who married a former nun.  He was getting his.  He was getting laid.  He can’t tell anyone anything.  And neither can any Protestant minister.                                                .    Back to the armbands.  No divorced people can wear armbands.  Anyone who had had oral sex (Bill Clinton) is not a virgin.  All children when they first begin to walk will wear the white armband.  This way, everyone can see who is recorded in the Book of Life – the Elect.
    Whatever religious faith you believe in put on the armband.  Put a gold cross for Christians, crescent for Muslims, Star of David for Jews, black 0 for atheists, hammer and sickle for Communists (I’m one of the last of them on the planet), question mark  (?) for children, etc.  Remember that Hitler had all Jews wear a yellow Star of David.  They were thus labeled as outcast vermin on the bottom.  Here those Jews eligible will wear the white armband to indicate that they are on top – the Elect.  Again, ‘the last shall be first.’
In addition to a marker for their faith, virgins will have a V on their armband.  Those with a V are eligible for my High Command.  Those who are chaste will add a C.  Those who’ve been faithful to their spouses will add M for married.  

                Instant Prophet

    I can make anyone an instant 100% accurate prophet.  What was the one thing that everyone knew in the Roman Empire at the time Jesus was preaching in Gallilee, even without newspapers? They all knew that in the Roman Cities, especially Rome itself, they were having fabulous orgies.  The automatic consequence is that Rome was going to fall.  And we have had even better,  more astonishing orgies starting in the late sixties.  The only thing that slowed it down somewhat was AIDS.  The orgies held in Rome can’t hold a candle to the orgies we’ve had here.  Thus, Western Civilization is toast.  The horse (Western Civilization) we’re riding has keeled over.  And there’s no use beating a dead horse. The writing’s on the wall!  The moving finger has writ!  Tis nothing less than the end of the world!  The stars are falling out!  As Chicken Little proclaims, ‘the sky is falling!’  Chicken Little is on movie screens November, 2005.

                                                     The Witches

    I’m here on a mission.  I’ve come to remove all the dolls!  These are dreamgirls, and that is precisely where they should be.  You should never be able to see them in flesh and blood.  I’m going to put them in back your dreams where they belong.  And after I remove them, you’ll dream about them at night – you’ll  remember how gorgeous they looked and have wetdreams about them.
    I’m going to take them all back to  where they came from – back to Witch Mountain.  That’s their home – they like it there.  And at night when the moon comes out, they’ll all strip naked, join hands in a circle, and do the moondance, the Witch’s Sabbat.  I am going to make sure and keep  them there once I have them there, and you’ll see no more dolls.
    This is a Witch Hunt!  The one and only original Witch Hunt, and I’m the Witchfinder General!  Let me be clear.  I’m not talking about the little pagans or wiccans.  There aren’t many of them, and they are all nitwits.  They don’t have any power at all.  If they were real witches they would recognize the millions of powerful witches, the dolls, we have here in Hell.

                My Favorite Sport

    Now I want to describe my favorite sport.  It is the sport of aristocrats, the sport royalty, the sport of kings and the sport of Gods.  This is how I did my magic act and raptured billions out.  What I do is a dance. Quoting the song: ‘”I got a new dance, and it goes like this’”  But actually, it’s an ancient dance going back to the Stone Age shamans.  This is the dance that all native medicine men do.  
    Let me give some names for my what I do:  Rain Dancing, Rain Making, Doing The Swerve, Space Fucking, Fairy Fucking and finally the best and most descriptive name:  Fairy Bowling. Feel free to practice this by yourself or in groups.  Develop your own style.  Have fun with it.     
    I stand and start flipping, flinging, flipping, flinging, flipping.  As a wizard, I’m going to call up a rainstorm, thunder and lightning (holding my arms up, I start flipping , flinging,  flipping). This is the gesture that priests use when sprinkling holy water.  I’m a thunder roarer!  I get it working, get it working, flipping, flinging.  What am I flipping?  It never was about liquid H2O, water.  What I am flipping is sperm.  I get it working, working and after a while the slime starts flying here, there and everywhere.  Eventually it starts raining men planetwide.  My fellow mad people know about this rain that falls on a sunny day – a phrase  from a rock lyric.  The cliché bag lady who wears tin foil to protect herself knows about the lightning I send.  Mad people use the metaphor of being struck by lightning or electricity.  But it is just drops of jism.  When you’re struck by jism, its hot and it sizzles, and you think of lightning or electricity.                       The idea is:  in my mind’s eye, I see her.  She’s miles away, and there is no phone line. But I’m going to let her know that she’s a gorgeous doll, and that I am the man she should be with,and not the man she is actually with.  It’s a long distance love affair.  I’m going to send a guided missile straight towards her – a cruise missile.  She’s standing there as my cruise missile comes whipping towards her.  Remember Lot’s wife in Sodom.  She turned to stone – a pillar of salt.  So the doll is standing there and Bam! – she’s hit on the head with the big wad of cum I sent her.  Her eyes roll up until you see the whites.  Her mouth drops open.  She goes rigid and starts wobbling like a top  -she turns to stone – and then Boom! She falls still rigid to the ground.  (I crook my elbow and hold my arm up and clench my fist.  I cup my arm in my other arm.  Then I start wobbling my arm round and round until, finally, it goes flat).  Fairy bowling!  The idea of the sport is to see how many tenpins – dolls – you can knock over.  I’m the best ever at the sport.  I can knock over millions of dolls!
     Was I feeling any grief over the people I raptured out when I called up my storm?  Not at all.  They were all only devils here in Hell.  They were all warned.  Simply read the Book of Revelation.  I and my angels have been blowing the horn repeatedly since the seventies and not a single one of you repented.  But I did have two concerns with respect to my fulfilling John of Patmos’ promises.  First, I’m an elderly geezer and my member doesn’t come up like it used to.  I was concerned I would fizzle out and remove only a few million.  That  wouldn’t be enough to get you devils to change your behavior in the bedroom.  John of Patmos had promised a quarter to a third of the planet raptured out.  Secondly, when you call up a storm, there is always the danger that the wizard himself will get swept away, because it is uncontrollable and unpredictable.  Happily, I made it through, so that I could fulfill John of Patmos’ promise that I would be standing here giving you the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead.

            Defeating the Whore of Babylon

    The question of the evening is:  Which man can bell the cat?  Which brave hero can slay the dragon?  Which man can defeat the Whore of Babylon?  Which man can domesticate the Whore – pacify her and put her to sleep?  Perceptive observers have noted that the Book of Revelation has the structure of a fairy tale.  It is not a fairy tale is the sense of being a myth or being untrue.  One part of the fairy tale is the fairy test:  Which man can defeat the Whore of Babylon?  Being a fairy test, if any man attempts and fails, the Whore gobbles you up and drinks your blood.  Many men have tried, and all have been gobbled up by the Whore and had their blood drunk.  The Whore is not a supernatural entity.  She is simply the collection of all the dolls – all the millions of dolls.  When you approach her, she’s gorgeous, and the first idea you have about how to pacify her is to unzip your pants and stick it in her.  If you try this way, you loose, and she gobbles you up and drinks your blood.  Instead, the way to defeat her is to keep your pants zipped up, raise you arm and slime her right between the eyes.  Her eyes roll up till you can see the whites and her mouth drops open.  You’ve put her under a spell, you’ve hypnotized her, she’s pacified.  She goes to sleep.  ‘Ding dong!, The Witch is dead, the Wicked Old Witch!’

        Getting You To Change you Bedroom Behavior

    Once we get to the New Jerusalem, everyone will know what everyone is doing in the bedroom.  This is not your private affair, or your own personal business.  It is vital that everyone knows exactly what everyone is doing in the bedroom.  Adam and Eve fell, because they were ashamed of their private parts.  We will not be ashamed of our private parts in the New Jerusalem.  We are going to fall again, but into innocence this time.  It will be public knowledge what we’re all doing in the bedroom.                                           In the defunct Marxist states, everyone’s every movement was under constant surveillance.  That was not what needed to be done.  The only thing that must be monitored is what everyone must know precisely what everyone else is doing in the bedroom.  Nothing else matters.  It must be public knowledge  This is what is not done here in the West.  You may have a little knowledge about what your fellow workers are doing in bed, but overall you don’t know as much as you need to know.                                                .    I’m going to tell the same story three different ways.  You are really going to have change your bedroom behavior.
    
    Version 1:  If you as a man walk into Sodom, where the one thing you’ve got is a woman (you can also have a man if that’s what you want). There is nothing else but total chaos and anarchy.  If in this place you cannot get laid, then suddenly you become an extremely important person .  Because all you have to do is get your willie working below your belt, and you can blow the place to smithereens!                                            .    Version 2:  Don’t try to put me, God, in Hell.  Don’t even think about it.  Satan is my servant and not vice versa.  If you do try, I ‘ll get my willie working below my belt and again blow the place to smithereens!                                            .    Version 3:  This is the stupid version.  My good man, your getting way to much.  It’s good stuff. And you’ve got more than you can handle.  I’m horny and I need a woman.   You’ve lots of women and I have none.  What are we going to do about it with me standing here?  If you don’t get your dick straightened out, how about me ripping your lungs out, friend!  I can’t stand it, and I won’t put up with it!
    Who is the most degenerate sex fiend on the planet?  Satan is a notorious degenerate, but has access to all the most gorgeous dolls on the planet who are all in his service and at his beck and call.  His lusts get slaked.  For me it is water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.  

                    I Must Rule!

    I was born to rule, and this is what you must let me do.  I came to power by blackmail.  I raptured out the people to demonstrate my power (just like the madman is my all time favorite movie,- ‘The Brain from Planet Arous’)   Like me, he was also a sex fiend.   The blackmail was either I rule, or I remove lots more.  I have an agenda. The planetwide New Exodus is here, and I’m going to lead you to the New Jerusalem.  This process will take several centuries.  I’ll say more later, but here’s an indication.  The New Jerusalem is all the multimillion inhabitant cities in ruins, and there are be no longer any nation states, with the total population of the planet much less than one billion.          No matter how much you may legitimately hate my guts, I must  rule!  And I have more blackmail so I can accomplish my mission.  I am the only person on this planet that  possesses the roadmap to the New Jerusalem.  No one else has a si

My Inaugural Address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead is from collectibledollstore.net

The following is an excerpt from the book Wandering Hearts

by Donna J. Grisanti

Published by Phoenix Publishing Corp.; August 2006;$14.95US; 978-0970886095

Copyright © 2006 Phoenix Publishing Corp.

1

Raine Foster knew with certainty that she’d have to leave her home that hot, wet spring when Nanny Vi started talking to the dolls. Through tears, Raine contemplated what to do as she watched the bright pink glow of the day-ending washboard sky. The Fosters’ farmhouse was falling down around Raine and her grandmother’s increasingly oblivious head.

Raine looked down at her rough, chapped hands, praying that the fluffy, pink cotton candy wisps in the sky wouldn’t become gray and threatening. All too frequent leaden skies poured our constant pinging rivulets that kept Raine running inside the house from bucket to rusty farm pail and then to the abandoned horse troughs she’d dragged from the rotting barn. If her prayers that the floors would stop buckling and no more leaks would spring from the Swiss cheese-like roof over their heads weren’t answered, she feared the second floor of the house would fall down and kill them in their beds.

People said Raine should leave the place and get started on her own life, even in this Depression time. Back tax vultures were circling the land in this backwater place, they said. The assessor’s rolltop desk was littered with tax notices, and no one in this generation had the money to pay anything at all to save long-held family properties. The landscape was riddled with broken dreams and lost fortunes big and small, like theirs, and in most folks’ estimation, the only way out was for Raine to leave or to marry. She had no money to leave, at least not enough to buy a nice seat on the train that stopped at Clinforks. So “starve here or marry” was the solemn advice of the old men in the few creaking rockers and barrel stools on the sagging front porch of Vitman’s general store, post office, and cotton-gin office.

Almost halfway into 1941 in Bridgeville, the old men in town had nothing better to do than come each weekday and Saturday morning in their clean but raggedy clothes to rock on the store porch in creaking comfort. They sat their days away, keeping the clerk, postmaster, and fix-it man company while watching people try to stretch their pay for supplies. The hard work of seeing folks trying to scrape a few pennies together to keep meals on the table tired them out. Things had been bad in Bridgeville for as long as anyone could remember. The Foster place, Raine’s home, seemed next on the long list of failures that didn’t show any sign of ending, the wrinkle-faced elders would say as they chewed on the ends of their empty pipes.

The porch elders were in a cantankerous mood, not being able to taste, or at least smell, the ripe fragrance of burning tobacco. It made the old gentlemen a bit irritable to be denied the luxury of pipe or chewing tobacco because there was no more money, either in their pockets or their family’s coffers. Their fading hearing longed for the deep-pocket snap of the round tins holding the golden or tarry shaved leaves. Sometimes they would lift their worn-out bodies from the porch rockers and circle the front of the cash register, praying that the air currents would bring a few fragrant whiffs from the glass sanctuary where Vitman kept the tobacco products lined up in gleaming tins and pouches, so near and yet so far from their lips, mouths, and pipe bowls.

“We might be in luck, boys,” Earll Miller said as he moved the end of his empty pipe from one moist corner of his mouth to the other. “Hear from Vestell Wright that Mr. Emil Vitman’s going to the Fosters’ place tomorrow.” He held off a second to make sure everyone was listening to his juicy piece of gossip concerning the tall, square-jawed owner of most of the businesses in their small town. If Earll had it right, he would be the purveyor of something to keep people talking for weeks far beyond the buckling boards of the general store’s porch.

One thing everybody already knew was that Emil Vitman was a mostly sour, spoiled-by-riches man past thirty. Earll sat forward in the best of the ancient rockers, made eye contact with each of the other four old men sitting with him, and said in a low voice, “Looks like there’s something important going on.” He knew he had them all interested, as each of his compatriots sat up and strained to hear every word. Earll shook his head solemnly, imitating the style of the circuit preacher who came every fourth week to the church down the dirt path called Pine Road.

Earll had gotten this important information from Vestell Wright, the plump widow who had been the Vitman cook and housekeeper since her husband died of rheumatism five years earlier. “Seems young Vitman’s going to take himself a wife.”

Earll seemed pleased with the bug-eyed reception his news engendered in his front porch cronies. He was especially satisfied with Pete Fisher’s reaction. When old Pete reached for his knees with both hands, stretched his neck as if he’d stopped breathing for a few seconds, and then let all the air out in his wheezy lungs, Earll knew the news he was spreading was having its desired effect.

“Yessir, Vitman and Raine Foster,” Earll said with authority, as if he could afford to buy the local paper and was reading from the four-page weekly Bridgeville Gazette. “Perhaps we’ll have a good meal and a better smoke when we attend the nuptials.” The men’s mouths watered at the thought of the taste of cigars and good-grade tobacco curling from their pipes.

Brady Fell, the Vitmans’ fix-it man, wasn’t so pleased by the news. Eavesdropping might be unmannerly, but it was necessary in this case, he thought. If his seventeen years as a Vitman employee were any indication, being Vitman’s wife might save Raine Foster from starving, but there were other things to consider, like the cruelties of his wealthy and powerful boss, which Brady and everyone else in town had witnessed.

Brady shook his head in disgust. He needed this menial job and needed to mind his own business. It was the only thing that had kept him, his wife, and their three children going since the accident at the Vitman cotton mill had cost him six broken ribs, a bum leg, and the loss of the family farm during his long convalescence. The farm deed belonged to Vitman now, and Brady and his family were allowed to stay there on that mean man’s whim. If he butted his nose into this situation about Vitman and Raine Foster, he and his family could be out on the dirt road without a house or a job before nightfall.

Although Brady was anxiously waiting for his oldest, Imogene, to get herself a husband and give him one less mouth to feed, his conscience got hold of him. Even if it meant another ten years of watering down the gravy and eating more week-old biscuits saved from the Vitman store trash, he’d rather risk homelessness then have Raine Foster marry his boss. Trying to make sense of Emil Vitman’s thundering moods, which changed more frequently than the hairstyle posters in the window of Miss Clover’s Wash and Curl Hair Salon down the street, would likely kill any woman. Not only that, but Vitman was also known for adding physical violence to the quicksilver mix. Vitman saved himself from the consequences of his irrational deeds by using his power and money to tidy up every mess.

Brady thought things over again. He was bone tired this Wednesday afternoon and hadn’t wanted to do one more thing than his work chores. This information changed his mind. He’d have to be late for supper and warn Miss Raine that the devil, in the form of Mr. Vitman, was coming to call.

To keep them going, Raine worked in the vegetable and flower patch and sold the flowers and produce at her makeshift roadside stand. To quiet Nanny Vi while she worked, Raine set the remaining dolls from the dwindling family collection on small wooden chairs in a tea party semicircle around her now frail, wispy-haired grandmother.

No matter how hard Raine tried to prevent it, when she combed her grandmother’s once thick brown hair, the now fine, downy edges of the greatly thinned mass laced with steel gray strands would start to slip from the tight bun at Nanny Vi’s neck. Raine wondered if her own thick auburn tresses, which were curly at the root and wavy at the long ends, would look the same if she lived as long as Nanny Vi. She now fixed her hair in the same tight knot at the back of her own head because there was no time to mess with it. Lots of things were gone, like real tea parties and loose tresses catching in the sweat of her face as she worked in the vegetable and flower garden.

Her grandmother hadn’t been out of the house in several weeks. On their last trip to Bridgeville for flour and lard, Nanny Vi had started talking to dead people again as if they were still alive. Raine decided she couldn’t allow her grandmother to be exposed to the sad, questioning eyes that remembered a different Vidalia Foster, the strong horsewoman and doll maker who was now a frail woman talking nonsense. Raine had to lock the outside doors and push the furniture to block interior access to the dangerous, uninhabitable second floor of the house when Nanny Vi was in a wandering mood.

There was also a debt to pay Brady. When she saw him on the last trip, Brady had told her, “I gave your grandmother a three-cent stamp. Paid for it myself.” He’d watched Nanny Vi place a packet of papers in the mailbox at the general store while Raine was putting the parcels in the mule cart. Raine still hadn’t figured out how Nanny Vi had gotten to the notepaper or managed to hide the envelope. She’d have to apologize to the postmaster if he discovered her grandmother’s gibberish in with the rest of the mail. The last time she’d been in town, he was in bed with a mustard plaster and hot lemonade and whiskey, fighting a cold well away from the post office. The apology to the postmaster could wait, but when she went to general store at the end of the week, she was going to give Brady the three pennies she’d scraped together. Mrs. Simpson would be paying her tomorrow.

The wasted money wasn’t the only thing. Neither Raine nor Nanny Vi had worked in the doll making business for more than a year. There was neither a market for the expensive porcelain dolls, nor the money to buy the intricate parts for the fragile beauties, their ornate clothes, or the expensive rocking eyes that opened when the dolls were upright and closed when the dolls slumbered in their bed. There was nothing else left to sell at the Foster place to buy the doll parts. All the money they had went for food and necessities. The old mule was the only stock left in the barns, as well as the only thing they were still able to feed besides themselves.

Nanny Vi and Raine had tried to keep the doll making tradition going with cloth dolls and even corn husk dolls. They sold only a few because people could make them from their own scraps and fields. Then Nanny Vi got sick. The only dolls they made now were for people with no money who needed dolls for gifts and holidays. Raine kept her hope and talent alive by collecting the best of the scratchy corn husks and the faded cloth pieces that were too small for her neighbors’ quilts.

Raine wondered how long they’d last this way. As if the house falling down around them weren’t enough, a few weeks earlier Nanny Vi had started chatting with two invisible people. The old woman called to them restively day and night. “Where are you, Ben?” she’d call. “Are you going to come in here soon, Charlotte?” Raine didn’t want to do it, thinking that giving in to her grandmother’s demands weakened the woman’s faltering grasp on reality, but finally she fashioned two more dolls to represent these unknown people. No matter how many times Raine tried to ask her grandmother about them, Nanny Vi wouldn’t say that Raine had never known a Charlotte and Ben.

The young woman had learned a hard lesson in keeping the peace. The last time Raine had tried to tell her grandmother that Raine’s parents, as well as Nanny Vi’s husband and parents, were all buried on the small sloped hill at the edge of their property, Nanny Vi had left the house. While Raine was working in the vegetable garden, Nanny Vi wandered two farms over calling for her husband, who she thought had gone over to the Nelson farm to sharpen his garden tools on the sharpening stone that Raine and everyone else in the neighborhood knew had been sold two years ago in the property sale after Ella Nelson died. Mr. Nelson had died five years earlier, and nothing was going to get sharpened that day except the gossips’ tongues as they passed along this sad tale about Nanny Vi and her out-of-her-head wanderings.

Raine never again wanted to feel that pressure in her chest or cry out in terror as she had after her grandmother’s irrational flight from the house. So she kept her peace and her information to herself while hushing her grandmother and working on creating Charlotte and Ben dolls from wood and cloth. Then after they’d had their late lunch and a trip to the outhouse, she dutifully placed them in the doll circle around her grandmother’s rickety upholstered chair. Raine lifted her eyebrows in frustration, but said nothing.

Suddenly Raine heard a noise. There was someone at the vegetable stand. Bridey Taylor had told her she would come by to get cabbages after she’d dropped off the laundry at Judge Marshall’s house.

After she paid the nickel for several large heads, Bridey rubbed her chafed hands. “I wish the Judge didn’t want so much starch in his shirts,” she said. “I can’t understand how the stiffness can give me such a rash and the Judge’s neck still stay as smooth as baby’s bottom.”

Raine gave her a dollop of udder cream on a piece of brown paper tied in a rag.

“Thank you,” Bridey said. “I need to get home to my laundry, but you know I wish I’d had the time to listen to the old men at the general store. Might’ve had some news to share.” She looked in her bag. “They seemed mighty interested in some tale or another.” She recalled the men sitting around the general store when she went to get more starch powder. “Earll Miller and his boys all seemed like cats that had swallowed canaries, sure enough. If I wasn’t so tired, I’d have asked them what was up. Even looked at my skirt hem to see if my slip was showing, they looked so beady-eyed.”

Concentrating on her next chore, Raine began to empty and carry the last of the ragtag collection of buckets, pails, and cans to her garden of water collected from the holes in the roof, which sat under the partial protection of a stately oak. The tree took the brunt of the hot sun and showers, protecting the fragile garden stems. Raine had taken a chance planting a few rows of corn earlier than usual, and the stalks had withstood the early heat and all the rain. She hoped these would bring her some extra money as well.

As Raine was considering which spring flowers would make a nice bouquet for Mrs. Simpson’s dinner table, she heard a familiar voice whisper from the bushes, “Miss Raine, I got to talk to you.”

“Brady? What you doing in the bushes?” Raine asked in an amused tone.

“Don’t say my name again, and keep doing what you’re doing. This is important!” Brady replied in a harsh whisper. Raine was confused, but she tried not to be stiff and unnatural as she concentrated on the flowers.

“I’m taking some flowers to the Simpsons’ tomorrow,” was all she could think to say.

“I can’t stay long, but there’s some bad news.” Brady gulped. He didn’t know how to say it, but knowing that Miss Raine was his friend and that she needed to know, he kept going anyway. “Earll Miller said his lady friend, Vestell Wright, told him Mr. Vitman is coming over to ask you to be his bride.”

Raine stood up straight like someone had struck her full force in the back. The flowers she looked at became hazy and then came back into focus. She grabbed her waist with her hands as if she were protecting herself from a sudden icy cold. “You sure?”

“Miss Raine, you know me better. I wouldn’t tell you no lie or risk being fired from my job for no foolishness,” Brady replied, still fidgeting in his bent-leg position, making sure he had his one good foot on the ground in case anyone had followed him from the general store. Mr. Vitman had plenty of spies down at the cotton gin, paid to do anything. A running start was all he asked if he’d been followed.

Raine swallowed and, not having enough breath as her heart pounded in her throat, whispered, “You go home now, Brady, and be careful. I thank you, and I’ll take it from here.” Her hands reached for the flower stems she was looking at and caressed the thin, green shafts. It was as if she’d seen her own death certificate signed. After a few short words, she now knew she’d have to leave and never return. She couldn’t turn Emil Vitman down and live anywhere near Bridgeville. Vitman would poison everything if he thought she had crossed him. She’d need to exile herself from everything she knew and loved in order to save her own life because she knew he’d either have her or see her dead.

What am I going to do and how am I going to do it? she wondered as iciness crept through her. Emil Vitman had been drinking, carousing, and fighting his way around the area for years now. Why should she be the target of his matrimonial plans? Ever since his daddy had died in the same flu epidemic that killed her parents, there was no one to bridle that erratic man or his goons, who acted first and then used Vitman’s money to get themselves out of trouble later. He was as mean as a snake and twice as dangerous, because in addition to money, he had the added currency of family connections of many generations’ standing. Several people had died in the last few years because they had come too close to Vitman’s temper. Who could say anything when the evildoer owned most of the town and paid off the people who knew things? Raine needed to plan — and fast. Thank goodness Brady’s warning had bought her some time, she thought as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

When Raine tried not to think about Brady’s news, her mind would snatch it back to conscious thought at the sheer enormity and horror of the prospect. Emil Vitman was not a patient man, so she’d have to play for time. There was Nanny Vi to think of; she was gone from her right mind more often now. Perhaps this would give Raine some leeway.

For all his hell-raising, Emil was a stickler for propriety in other people. A raving grandmother-in-law in the Vitman mansion wasn’t something Emil would want, and Raine wasn’t going to send her grandmother to the state sanitarium. She could play on people’s sentiments about a granddaughter wanting to keep her only living relative near her, even if people did think Nanny Vi was crazy now. Raine wasn’t sure. In her estimation, there seemed to be room for only one crazy person in the Vitman place, and that was Emil himself.

Emil Vitman was the product of the lovely, too-pampered daughter of a rum merchant who died a few days after his child’s birth and the watered-down bloodline of formerly hardworking, respectable stock on his father’s side. Fortunately for him, respect died hard, and connections could be bought in these lean times. So Emil successfully greased palms and mended fences after his binge blackouts and rages. As his neighbors, staff, and store patrons attested, he became progressively more moody as his sober hours shrank.

As word spread about the possible wedding, some observers were sarcastic enough to wonder in private if his increasingly surly moods might match the less frequent lucid moments of his future fiancée’s grandmother. Although all the gossips in town observed that Emil’s good looks were fading under the constant barrage of liquor, they made their comments outside of his earshot to avoid becoming the focus of his erratic, vengeful temper. They never knew when they might need a favor from the puffy-eyed, preening Vitman.

When Vitman made up his mind, he could not be dissuaded. He was convinced that Raine Foster was the answer to his problems. Raine, his soon to be ever-so-grateful wife, would take care of the store and his petty problems. Acting on his orders, his muscled assistants from the cotton gin could concentrate on handling more important things. He’d be free to consider weightier matters and give orders to all of them from the comfort of the leather chair in his library, with the cut-glass decanter of bourbon at his side.

Although nearly penniless, Raine had a fine pedigree, which certainly counted in his community. She could smooth things over on the church and social fronts. He’d keep the books of his businesses, set the credit rules, and let her run the rest — just as long as she didn’t ask to fix up that wreck of a homestead she and her grandmother were living in. Their ramshackle home had to be filled with all kinds of must and contagion, proof that Raine came from hardy stock and would make an excellent broodmare for his many forthcoming children. They would be her responsibility, too, he thought as he considered the delights of home, hearth, and business. Perhaps he could even manage some discreet dalliances on the side.

He had to plan carefully. Just to be safe from the decaying pile of lumber Raine called home, he would call her out on the lawn to talk about his plans and their upcoming marriage. With her hand-to-mouth existence, she couldn’t last much longer. If his spies had it right, there were only a few dolls left from her great-great-grand-mother’s collection of French dolls. If Raine stretched the money, it would last a year at most. Then there would be nothing else except her vegetables and flowers to sustain her and her grandmother.

Emil thought a minute. He could send Sweeney from the cotton gin over to steal the dolls and hasten the process. He tucked the possibility away as a last resort in order to get his way. Though he relished winning by any means necessary, he still considered matrimony a fine, honorable thing. He wouldn’t use any more force than necessary, unless Miss Raine gave him a reason to reconsider his tactics.

Emil looked in the mirror at his relatively handsome face, missing the signals of his increasing liquor consumption — reddening facial skin and the beginning of tiny broken blood vessels around his nose. He turned his head and admired the legendary Vitman cocoa brown hair, which kept its color well for all the men in the family until near the time they entered the hereafter.

There had been a few other changes in Emil. At thirty-seven, he had taken to wearing vests even in the warmest weather because the material hid his burgeoning waist. His blue eyes were a bit bloodshot, but there was always some ragweed around, wasn’t there? He turned a bit to consider his profile. With his long legs, he still rode a horse well when he thought to take to horseback. But he preferred the sedan Brady Fell washed and waxed every Wednesday morning, or whenever Emil wanted to remove any grime from Bridgeville’s puddles and ruts. Brady could restock shelves or take inventory later. Emil enjoyed seeing his reflection in the clean coal-black finish of his Packard.

Should that be the way he greeted his ladylove? Emil wondered. No, he thought, as he considered the classics his tutor had read to him those long ago years when he couldn’t be bothered to pick them up himself. Even then, he had been misunderstood at the community school. His father had hired a tutor for him, but the thin, spindly-legged man — named Harris, if Emil remembered correctly — ran away one night with some farmer’s daughter from the other side of town. In the grand style of romantic literature, Emil thought, he should ride over to the Foster house on his horse, Renegade, to impress Miss Raine. Women liked that kind of romantic drivel.

When Raine Foster said yes, his ride over on horseback was all the romance she was going to get besides her wedding day. So he’d go to the trouble of having his stable hands wash and curry Renegade and then make sure Mrs. Wright got the horse smell out of his clothes after he got back from the Foster place.

Emil fished into the breast pocket of his gold satin vest, feeling for the ring taken from his Aunt Clara’s body after she had died seven years ago. If memory served Emil correctly, her hand and Miss Raine’s were similar, so there was no use in wasting good money. After all, there was still the cost of the wedding bands. Besides, didn’t women like sentiment? He could tell Raine some cock-and-bull story and save himself the cost of a new engagement ring. She wouldn’t be wearing it long anyway after she started working in the store and taking care of their children. It would just come back to him and sit in his jewelry box. She’d get a plain gold band to mark her as his wife.

After a heaping breakfast of country ham and eggs with Mrs. Wright’s biscuits, followed by a light bourbon and water to brace himself, Emil Vitman set out for the Foster farm on Renegade at a light trot. Although he loved the thought of flying through the air on a galloping horse, he saw no reason today to jump fences and get the horse or himself sweaty. Emil patted his Aunt Clara’s ring in his vest pocket. As he reined in his fine black horse about fifty yards from Raine’s front door, a light breeze rippled through the tall shading oak trees at the front of the once-proud Foster home.

Copyright © 2006 Phoenix Publishing Corp.

Wandering Hearts is from collectibledollstore.net

Even though times are tough, the desire to celebrate events wholeheartedly is still very much there. Or, maybe it’s because times are tough that people want to make the best of important events. In any case, as more and more parents discover the joy of celebrating baby showers and birthday parties, it becomes important that you learn to think out of the box when it comes to baby gifts.

The sure way to win over the hearts of parents and babies alike is to give gifts that hit spot on. The trick is to gift something that is useful but not too popular. Something unique but has an element of fun to it. Fortunately, the sheer abundance of baby gifts and the willingness of many manufacturers to go the extra mile for their customers make it possible for you to come up with unique baby gift ideas.

Here are some tips to help you come up with gift ideas that stand out.

Gender specific: If the baby is a boy, it’s blue, all the way. Girls love pink. So, if you’re buying clothing or wall art, keep in mind that you need to stick to this color code. It might not make sense to you, but if you blow this one, people might cast pitying glances your way while parents try to cover up your gaffe with comforting sounds and appropriate noises. But, you wouldn’t want that, would you?

Age-specific: Before you even think of buying baby gifts, you need to have a fairly good idea of the age of the baby. Babies that are less than 3 months old do not need much more than comfortable bedding, blankets, bibs and diaper covers. But, if the baby is older – say between 1 and 2 years, the variety is amazing. You can give something practical like chewable toys, feeding bottles, clothes, toys, blocks or wall art. And that’s just scratching the surface!

Universal and handy: If you’re about to attend a baby shower or a birthday gig, keep in mind that a lot of the gifts are going to be repetitive. For instance, if it’s a baby girl, you can bet your last tooth that there will be a couple of dolls and dresses, to say the very least. So if you want your baby gift ideas to stand out, think of giving something unique. Like a picture frame or tote bags. These are convenient and useful. Best of all, there won’t be many replicas of this gift.

For the parents: Sure, the event is for the baby. But, hey, the parents have put in a lot of hard work, keeping up with Junior’s sleep schedules and feeding timetables. Most often, it’s the mother who goes around groggy eyed and has the extra weight to show off for all her hard work. That is why this is the perfect excuse to gift her something special like a personalized piece of jewelry. Get her a necklace with the baby’s name and age engraved on the locket. She’ll treasure it forever!

I’m sure you’re already bubbling over with fantastic baby gift ideas by now. If not, just take the time to browse the collection available in some of the most reputed online stores. You’re sure to find lots of stuff that a little one would love to have.

Baby gift ideas that stand out is from collectibledollstore.net

Here are ten nice printer projects that you can have kids do on their free time.

1. Paper cranes. In Japan, there is a belief that a person who completes folding a thousand paper cranes may make one wish to the crane, which the Japanese regard as holy. You can print several colorful patterns and instructions on how to make paper cranes, and keep your kids busy with this funny printer project.

2. Coloring books. Coloring books encourage kids to develop artistic talent, among other skills. This is an easy print project – you just print line patterns and give them for your kids to work on, along with a box of crayons.

3. Scrapbooks. Do your kids love collecting pictures they have drawn or cut out from a magazine? Encourage them to put them all together in a scrapbook. This print project only requires printing a few scrapbook patterns.

4. Dioramas. Kids can recreate a scene from their favorite cartoon or movie into a diorama. Make a print project out of this by printing out elements from the scene, including the characters and other props, and then let your kids put them all together.

5. Paper dolls. Little girls love dress-up dolls, in all their forms. Designing paper dolls and their clothes will make for a good printer project for your little girls.

6. Cardboard trains. If little girls have their paper dolls, little boys can have their paper trains. Make this print project by printing pictures of trains and then pasting these pictures on small cardboard boxes.

7. Kites. Flying kites at the park are great outdoor activities for kids. Make this another worthwhile printer project by printing colorful kite patterns. Then, let your kids put them all together and take them to the park.

8. Playing cards. There are so many games that kids can play using playing cards, and it would be nicer if these cards are customized. You can make customized playing cards as a print project.

9. Stickers and labels. Kids also like putting stickers all over their books and other things as a form of decoration and expression. Let them indulge in this by giving them stickers and labels that you made yourself as a print project.

10. Games. The best way to keep your kids busy is to give them a puzzle to work on. Devote yourself to a continuous print project of printing crossword puzzles, mazes, tic-tac-toe sheets, hangman puzzles and other such games and make your kids solve them.

Video game consoles are not the only way by which you can keep your kids from being bored. With easy print projects, you can keep your kids entertained and help them learn new skills.

Ten Printer Projects to Keep Kids Busy is from collectibledollstore.net

The best lovely websites where you can find the perfect Christmas gifts are those that show their products in an arranged way. The lovely gifts are shown in very beautiful animated pictures and arranged in such a way that the customer will definitely get attracted to. Also, each of them is accompanied with its affordable price.

You can select among various unique collections of these incredible Christmas gifts. For example, you can select the gifts that pertain to a Christmas event, such as a figurine of Santa Claus.

If you are such a thoughtful character, you can present your loved peoples some special Christmas gifts that express endless memories. However, if you are looking for custom Christmas gifts for your boy friend or girl friend, you can send their pictures and they are able to give you a caricature of your beloved, captured in a figurine that will last a lifetime. This will definitely be the hit of the celebration as well as something that will last forever.

Christmas gifts are something people always cherish. If you like to present them gifts that refer to all sessions, you can select a family tree, as an example. The tree will include all the pictures of your loved ones to further feel the true spirit of Christmas, which is to be a whole family.

You can choose from many various backgrounds, themes, and meeting places, which can be reproduced for your desired Christmas gifts which includes hand-made gifts from special artists. You can also try the angles gifts for the right occasion and for the right person too. All you need to do is to proceed to make an order on the selected website, specifying your selected Christmas gifts, paying it through credit card and waiting for the gifts to be delivered on your doorstep.

Remember, if you are a subscribed member of a well-reputed website, you can get discounts and benefits. You just need to register and provide your information. Select the Christmas gift that you have decided on. And Voila! You are all set with your Christmas gifts for all your friends and loved ones, even a bonus Christmas gift for you. Becoming a member of the website, you will be able to shop faster, be up to date on an orders status, and keep trace of the orders you previously proceed.

You can also find a team of professional artists who are working together as painters and sculptors to give you the design and image that you specifically want for your gift.

The common motto of some well reputed websites is quality and experience. They are the two eyes of their experience and concern, as they specialize in the making unique gifts. They aim is to please and to give utmost satisfaction to their customers, wherever they may be in the world.

Unique Christmas Gifts is from collectibledollstore.net

If you have sporting friends, you will interest to present them some unique sports gifs, in their special events, such as their birthdays, wedding, etc. As soon as you are searching on internet about smart websites to sell you lovely sports gifts, you can find whichever you wish in that section. Sports gifts in that unique site are shown in an arranged way. There are beautiful animated pictures exhibit some sports gifts available. The gift is shown as a Bobble head. You will be astonished when you see profiles of people in the personalized gifts.

Prices are competitive. As to categories, there are various unique collections of these incredible sports gifts, which you can select from. As an example, you can select the gifts of sports event, which may be a symbol of your popular player or a game, say tennis or football.

If you are too generous to introduce your boy friend or girl friend more than a one gift, you can get a great discount too! If you have special ideas and want to transfer them into unique gifts to be presented for a sporting friend, don’t hesitate to call the officials of the site. They will be happy to respond and submit you which you like in a short time.

Sports gifts are something your people will never forget. You can send the pictures of your friends to the site, and wait until they bring you a new bonding with their bobble head gifts. Of course, there are many various backgrounds, themes, and meeting places, which can reproduced your aimed sports gifts such as hand-made gifts with special artists too. You can precede an order on the selected website, referring to your selected sports gifts. You can mention your address, and insert your card’s number to deduct the price of the gifts.

If you are a subscribed member of a well-reputed website, you can get more distinguishing. You have to apply on line and select your username and password. Thus, you can enjoy all the benefits shown in that website. As soon as you become a member of the website, you will be able to shop faster, be up to date on an orders status, and keep trace of the orders you previously proceed.

There are a variety of sports gifts. You can select some tools and equipments related to a special game. There are many examples of these gifts, such as a ball for the football fan, training suites, lovely accessories of tennis player, and much more.

If your friend is practicing fitness or body building, you may like to present him a lovely piece of weights. Selecting the right gift for the right person is the basic element that refers to the right friend as well.

Choosing a Sports Gift is from collectibledollstore.net

There are a lot of websites who offer different ideas for Valentine gifts. But only a few can give you a real unique Valentine gift. It is through this site that you can you’re your loved one the perfect Valentine gift, yourself, in miniature of course. They can create a bobble head replica of you to give as a Valentine’s gift. And their prices are very popular to people because of its affordability.

Select among various unique collections of these incredible Valentine gifts is a pleasure. You can select the gifts of Valentine event, which may be a symbol of the fictional character, popular character, Teddy bear, or something warm and cuddly and which signifies love.

You may present to your loved one in this most special day the most special Valentine gift, such as saying “I Love You”. Some Valentine gifts including gifts for nature lovers, gifts for celebrate childhood, amazing gifts for bathroom lovers, playful gifts, ideal funny gifts, and much more. If you are looking for custom gifts ideas for your boy friend or girl friend, you can send a picture of them and they will give you back a figurine that looks exactly like that person.

Of course, Valentine gifts are something your people will never forget. If you like to present them gifts that refer to all sessions, you can select a family tree, as an example. The tree will include all the pictures of dear and near ones need to be portrayed to savor and safeguard the love and care that all the family share. You can send the pictures of your family and wait until they bring you a new bonding with their bobble head gifts.

Valentine gifts can also be the more common and yet still appreciated bouquet of a dozen roses and a box of chocolates. These are the classic Valentine gifts that women still do not tire of. But for the women, it is a harder task to give their man the perfect Valentine gift. And here comes the help of the Internet.

The internet can provide you with several options and gift ideas to use for your one of a kind Valentine gift. You can try for a personalized touch, or a kinky one that will surely perk up the curiosity of your loved one. Others even prefer a very simple Valentine gift to give to their loved one especially if their budget does not allow it.

Valentine’s day is one of those days that you get to let your special someone feel extra special. Even a little effort in choosing a Valentine’s gift is highly appreciated, as long as it is sincere and comes from the bottom of their hearts.

The Essence of Valentine Gifts is from collectibledollstore.net

Christmas is one of the most awaited festivals worldwide. It is not only awaited by kids and teenagers but also by the elders as well. It is celebrated with extreme joy and fervor and the celebrations of Christmas in a Christian home are unparalleled to any other celebration. The best part about Christmas is the Christmas Gift. Most of the people prefer to present a Christmas Gift basket to their loved ones. Actually a Christmas Gift basket is a collection of several tiny gifts wrapped in a very beautiful way in hamper. They are available invarious price range and you can pick one from any gift store.

The ethnic assorted gift baskets for Christmas can be as economical as you like to as fancy and expensive as you make it to be. When you can’t think of a single thing to gift someone or you want to gift something, you think is too cheap to gift alone, you can team up many trivia things with one or more good pieces and conjure up a gift basket that looks really nice. It can also be a good idea to hide a small nicety as a surprise for the receiver. If you want tips for customizing and decorating your Gift basket, here are few quick and handy tips.

Christmas Gift Basket Ideas Choose a beautiful basket in which you will pack your assorted things, preferably a colored or Christmas-themed cellophane paper for gift wrapping and colored ribbon to make the bow to give the finishing touch to your Christmas gift basket. For kids, you can gift wrap some candies, candy canes, a Christmas cracker or two and some toys and see their grin broadening with their treasure trove. Older kids and teenagers will love some of their favorite CDs, small video game, candy canes, toffees and homemade cookies. Girls cannot refuse an assortment of quality cosmetics such as nail colors and lipsticks and you can also insert a pack of wet and fragrant fresh tissues and cotton balls. You can add a piece or two of stylish costume jewellery or latest hair accessory in the market. Gift baskets for boys can include handkerchiefs, socks, cuff links, buttons and may be a watch! If you are planning to propose to your beloved on Christmas, you can hide the ring with a love letter in rose petals in the gift basket and cover it with chocolates and other trivial things. See her gasp with surprise when she opens her gift. Any assortment of small items, decorative pieces, collectibles, nativity dolls and even small Feng Shui items available are perfect for people who have just shifted to a new home.

Christmas Gift Basket Ideas 2009 is from collectibledollstore.net